After questioning myself on why we do what we do (following an argument with a friend) I reflected back on what I call "fun spankings"
Little playful swats in everyday life that were harmless and fun.
Fun of course because Thom would use them playfully, but I always sensed that maybe he meant it in some ways for real.
Some of these came out as more truths after we started DD / TIH. All of those playful little teasing and such were actually things he wanted to spank me for, for real, but NOT as true punishment spankings. Well, maybe more of reminders, but in a fun way.
Fun because Thom is more than likely a spanko (though he would never call himself that, but he does enjoy giving them) and I guess I'm probably one as well because I enjoy the light hearted reminder kinds.
The point of this post is actually about all the types of spankings and what they can mean, and also that having many types of spankings is OK and not confusing if you talk about it before hand.
Something happened after our first try with punishment spanking. It seemed like Thom avoided any and all types of "fun spankings" for a few weeks.
I think maybe it was the shock value of actually giving a punishment spanking.
I sort of missed his playfulness, and I told him we needed to talk about it.
While it was hard to do, I told him I missed how playful he used to be and actually missed his little swats here and there throughout the day.
I didn't want to confuse you - was what he told me.
I told him I wouldn't be confused, but we had to figure out how spanking was going to work in our life if we were going to do this.
I didn't want to just wait around for a punishment spanking for breaking a rule.
The hardest part of that was having to admit that I liked his playful ways, and liked being spanked.
This was so confusing trying to talk about.
The main thing we figured out (as two people who were both ok with spanking in general) was that we could agree on using a few types of spankings.
One of course was punishment spanking, this was for breaking a major rule.
One was a reminder spanking - this was something totally spur of the moment. It was like the straightener in the sink issue. Thom was fed up over it and decided to spank right then and there, but only a few swats.
These are quite harmless spankings of course and to be honest, I sort of like them!
I just like that he has finally come to terms with the want to spank me and then acting on it in that way.
*(important note here - this whole things gets easier when the guy, boyfriend, HOH, wife even - whatever you want to call it- can get real with their feelings enough to know when to spank and do it because THEY want to spank. Coming to terms with this was the biggest hurdle we have had in this whole relationship! Be honest in your feelings and act on them. Some of the best points made to me were in a heated argument and I was pulled over his knee and told I was going to be spanked for _____, and asked if I understood why. He had finally had enough of something and just went with his feelings. I would have to say 98% of the time he was right in feeling it.)*
Another are erotic spankings, you can imagine those for yourself.
and the last one is something we do not do yet, but we are in the talks about.
Maintenance spankings.
We are not sure how to go about these as we seem to have different views on them as well as thinking of using them differently than other people describe.
Maintenance for most is more of spanking to show and remind who the boss / HOH is.
This is something Thom has always had a struggle with, as he can show leadership, but is not too much into being over me as a HOH, so we are unsure how we can use this type of spanking. He will spank when he wants to or needs to, but he does not want to micromanage my days or anything.
Thom was thinking of using it as more of a spank now no problems later kind of thing, or weekly reminder spanking, but I personally don't see a problem with saying it's to establish him in his role and I'm OK with it.
We will have to see where that leads.
Reading blogs can give you many many ideas for sure! I have never learned so much and been so glad to see how others add this into their lives.
By the way, I've turned off commenting for a day or so. Had someone bother me Anon, so I may bring back the comments, just use confirmation or something.
UPDATE
I came back to update that Thom decided on Maintenance, but he said he's going to call it "Confessionals"
He said this will be when he pulls me OTK and questions me if there is anything I need to confess! Then depending on the issues, he will punish accordingly.
I'm not so sure about that! We will have to talk more, but he says it will always result in a spanking, just the degree will be modified.
Yikes!
*I forgot to add something that another blogger reminded me of.
Of those times when I become an evil green eyed monster, fussing, yelling and being short with the household we have something Thom calls "Reset" spankings.
I've seen others refer to these as well.
It's just sort of a "woman caught up in the stress and craziness of life" sort of thing for me.
I get ill mannered, ill tempered, argue, bicker, talk with attitude to our children and make things in the house hard for everyone. Thom will sometimes ask if I need "reset" and while most of the time I'd say NO, he usually is only asking to see if I'd ever say yes, and he fully intends to spank me anyways no matter what the answer is.
I can honestly admit that "resetting" works for me. I don't know WHY, but it does.
