So I know there are a lot of questions people have about the rules. In the beginning our rules were simple.
We used 4 Ds - Disrespect, Disobeying, Dishonesty and Dangerous.
Why I had no real understanding of these how detailed all the could be, I can say we put our own ideas into effect here.
The Disobeying was not to mean my husband ordered me around to get him things, or do all his laundry, cook for him and basically become his slave. If that is for you and your spouse and your relationship, Great!, but we are not like that. Some people are and that's fine.
Disobeying to us was more something like this: Sunny, your tooth has been bothering you for a while now and I done hearing you complain about it. I want you to make and appointment by the end of the week. This was a simple demand, made for my own good (and because he loved me!) and made with a time line.
This was something we agreed on, that a demand be made only in areas where we feel we need help, not silly requests. If I did not make the appointment, then that would be Disobeying. If I did make the appointment, then the same request would be set for the appointment. I was to go, no excuses and if not then there would be punishment.
Now that can mean a lot of different thing to a lot of different people. YOU can set this up as anything you want. Every rule we made, we talked about it and how it would be played out.
I think Dishonesty is really a no brainer, basically lying. It could be lying about doing something, or lying about feelings (not being open) but any type of lying has consequences. This one is big for us, and quite personal.
Disrespect. This one is very different for everyone.
While there is not dishing out punishment for me rolling my eyes every so often, it is considered disrespectful and is warned if he grows tired of an attitude I have taken.
There are other people I hear of who would get punishment for this, but again, we use Taken in Hand very lightly and are still new to everything.
Now, if eye rolling and or mocking became more than just playful, and it was turning into a fight, or going on weeks of disrespecting and just getting into a rut, then punishment would be used to bring balance back to the equation.
Also, lack of self respect. Talking down about one's self can be seen as disrespecting.
Dangerous for us is something like the disobeying, but not.
Dangerous things could be things like not seeking help in medical situations "just because" or not going to the dentist when needed, also things like texting and driving as well as any other things that one could do to their body in which you could be physically hurt or hurt others. Again, some people take this further then we do.
So, these are the four basics we live by for now. They started out to include just a few things and now we have quite a lot in each category!
*also, we do not do maintenance spankings (yet anyways) and we use a system of degree spankings. Everyone has their own I'm sure, but we have some that are bigger offenders than others. Something small will be 5 or so swats, maybe even over clothing, and something large, like being in a huge rut, or really going overboard on a big rule would result in an over the knee, bared spanking, possibly with an implement (this is new for us now) and this would be a punishment spanking, used for making a point.
A few things that are always a constant for us is, making sure there is always a lecture of sorts. A WHY are you here (over the knee or bed) and do you understand why it was wrong, followed by the spanking and possible explanation of what is expected from this point forward.
