Tension.
I hate tension in the household.
Thankfully, wether it's welcomed or not (spankings that it), living in a dd / tih marriage seems to keep tension at bay.
This weekend however was tension and not at bay for me.
I'm not sure how it started, well, I guess I have to be honest when I say I know how it started. It starts when I hold back things, thought and feelings.
I was feeling moody, and or had felt moody a bit towards Thom.
He'd been busy at work, then was sitting around reading his nook most of the night Friday and I was tending to kids.
I don't know if I was feeling sorry for myself, but whatever it was I was getting deeper and deeper into my cloud. We both went to bed and got up for church with mild little bickering here and there and by late afternoon, it was obvious.
The tension.
Thom felt it, I felt it but I think I was ignoring it.
What is the cure for the tension that isn't talked about and turns into a slightly moody wife? A few warnings and then BAM! it's taken care of. Nipped in the bud as he likes to say.
As much as I hate to admit it, I feel better now, there is no longer tension in the house or in me.
Why can't I see myself get into these clouds? (he asked me this) moreover, why can't I just talk to him before it turns into the ugly gray cloud (he call it that, my ugly gray cloud)
I think the warnings and the spanking are; one to pull me out of the cloud, and two to remind me of what I should have done in the first place - talk about it so it doesn't get bad enough to get to a spanking.
I do know better, but I let myself get into these things so easily. It also doesn't happen as often as it used to, so maybe something is working in that area.
I was thinking about all the things I've been spanked for. I can honestly think that it's one of a few reasons and always seems to be those things (as we do not practice maintenance spankings here - I don't even know if he knows about that. I don't think he would want to do that as he has a small issue with really saying he is HOH and that I need reminded of that by weekly sessions)
Most of the time it's been for breaking me out of the cloud, sometimes it's been for just having a nasty attitude and being disrespectful (maybe even being bratty), and only a few times has it been for the silly things - the straightener in the sink, the lost drivers license (times 4!), for leaving my ATM card in the machine and then not having it while I was out with 4 kids and a full cart at the store and once for messing around with something he directly said not to (cables for the computer) and doing it anyways then messing up a bunch of stuff... those are always lighter spankings and more swats with a brush.
Whatever it is, I can't put my finger on it, but it actually works. I don't know if it's a release for me or him sometimes.
