Well, the Holidays are over and things are getting back on track.
The kids are settled into their routines and we are trying to get back into the swing of things too.
With family and people around over the Holidays, TIH has taken more of a back seat, but I hope we can get back on the wagon with that as well.
I think we made it through the Holidays pretty well, and there was really just NO time for me to be in trouble (or so I thought) I guess I'd have to ask Thom about that one, I did get a few warnings here and there!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
Down Time
I'm finally finding some down time after Christmas.
Today is a tiny bit, we are trying to clean the house for New Years. I was thinking how nice it would be to start the New Year off with a clean house and all of my girls laundry put away!
I hope that can happen.
I'm also feeling the sting of a small punishment spanking last night (maybe it will motivate me NOT to sit much today?) as stress and words just kept spilling out of my mouth at Thom.
I really talked myself into this one, knew it was coming and just gave in... I had a bit of fight in me towards the beginning of the day, but as I was warned, I began to cool off and by the time the kids were in bed, I just wanted it over with!!
Well, about 20 swats later and a final 10 with the belt I'm still feeling it today.
It's strange reading and or typing that. Just a few months go a belt would never be considered. It's not a full force thing of course, it's just a thing different than a hand and I think it was used more as a getting a final point across, hitting home thing maybe. We experimented with it and both agreed on what could be tolerated.
If I had to admit it, feeling the sting the next day makes for a good reminder!
Today is a tiny bit, we are trying to clean the house for New Years. I was thinking how nice it would be to start the New Year off with a clean house and all of my girls laundry put away!
I hope that can happen.
I'm also feeling the sting of a small punishment spanking last night (maybe it will motivate me NOT to sit much today?) as stress and words just kept spilling out of my mouth at Thom.
I really talked myself into this one, knew it was coming and just gave in... I had a bit of fight in me towards the beginning of the day, but as I was warned, I began to cool off and by the time the kids were in bed, I just wanted it over with!!
Well, about 20 swats later and a final 10 with the belt I'm still feeling it today.
It's strange reading and or typing that. Just a few months go a belt would never be considered. It's not a full force thing of course, it's just a thing different than a hand and I think it was used more as a getting a final point across, hitting home thing maybe. We experimented with it and both agreed on what could be tolerated.
If I had to admit it, feeling the sting the next day makes for a good reminder!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
There is NO time!
For blogging! It's almost Christmas and with 4 kids things are really crazy right now.
I hope to blog more during the holiday break, but the house will be full for two weeks straight.
I will miss my quiet mornings with just one little one here. Now there will be all four of them!
Wish me luck!
Have a joyous Christmas and New Year if I don't get a chance to get back to this.
I hope to blog more during the holiday break, but the house will be full for two weeks straight.
I will miss my quiet mornings with just one little one here. Now there will be all four of them!
Wish me luck!
Have a joyous Christmas and New Year if I don't get a chance to get back to this.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Outside of blog world?
Outside of blogger land, where I have only read most about spanking in a dd/tih or a ttwd relationships, Thom's friend send him this.
It was sort of amusing, as it's not in relation to dd in any way, but just simple spanking in general.
http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_150/180_love_tip.html
I can't imagine though, us ever trying that before we had heard about dd, but then again maybe it's just me and maybe guys have the urge to want to spank more than women do. I guess I never thought much about spanking until we started, although, I wouldn't have life without it now!
It was sort of amusing, as it's not in relation to dd in any way, but just simple spanking in general.
http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_150/180_love_tip.html
I can't imagine though, us ever trying that before we had heard about dd, but then again maybe it's just me and maybe guys have the urge to want to spank more than women do. I guess I never thought much about spanking until we started, although, I wouldn't have life without it now!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Fun spankings?
After questioning myself on why we do what we do (following an argument with a friend) I reflected back on what I call "fun spankings"
Little playful swats in everyday life that were harmless and fun.
Fun of course because Thom would use them playfully, but I always sensed that maybe he meant it in some ways for real.
Some of these came out as more truths after we started DD / TIH. All of those playful little teasing and such were actually things he wanted to spank me for, for real, but NOT as true punishment spankings. Well, maybe more of reminders, but in a fun way.
Fun because Thom is more than likely a spanko (though he would never call himself that, but he does enjoy giving them) and I guess I'm probably one as well because I enjoy the light hearted reminder kinds.
The point of this post is actually about all the types of spankings and what they can mean, and also that having many types of spankings is OK and not confusing if you talk about it before hand.
Something happened after our first try with punishment spanking. It seemed like Thom avoided any and all types of "fun spankings" for a few weeks.
I think maybe it was the shock value of actually giving a punishment spanking.
I sort of missed his playfulness, and I told him we needed to talk about it.
While it was hard to do, I told him I missed how playful he used to be and actually missed his little swats here and there throughout the day.
I didn't want to confuse you - was what he told me.
I told him I wouldn't be confused, but we had to figure out how spanking was going to work in our life if we were going to do this.
I didn't want to just wait around for a punishment spanking for breaking a rule.
The hardest part of that was having to admit that I liked his playful ways, and liked being spanked.
This was so confusing trying to talk about.
The main thing we figured out (as two people who were both ok with spanking in general) was that we could agree on using a few types of spankings.
One of course was punishment spanking, this was for breaking a major rule.
One was a reminder spanking - this was something totally spur of the moment. It was like the straightener in the sink issue. Thom was fed up over it and decided to spank right then and there, but only a few swats.
These are quite harmless spankings of course and to be honest, I sort of like them!
I just like that he has finally come to terms with the want to spank me and then acting on it in that way.
*(important note here - this whole things gets easier when the guy, boyfriend, HOH, wife even - whatever you want to call it- can get real with their feelings enough to know when to spank and do it because THEY want to spank. Coming to terms with this was the biggest hurdle we have had in this whole relationship! Be honest in your feelings and act on them. Some of the best points made to me were in a heated argument and I was pulled over his knee and told I was going to be spanked for _____, and asked if I understood why. He had finally had enough of something and just went with his feelings. I would have to say 98% of the time he was right in feeling it.)*
Another are erotic spankings, you can imagine those for yourself.
and the last one is something we do not do yet, but we are in the talks about.
Maintenance spankings.
We are not sure how to go about these as we seem to have different views on them as well as thinking of using them differently than other people describe.
Maintenance for most is more of spanking to show and remind who the boss / HOH is.
This is something Thom has always had a struggle with, as he can show leadership, but is not too much into being over me as a HOH, so we are unsure how we can use this type of spanking. He will spank when he wants to or needs to, but he does not want to micromanage my days or anything.
Thom was thinking of using it as more of a spank now no problems later kind of thing, or weekly reminder spanking, but I personally don't see a problem with saying it's to establish him in his role and I'm OK with it.
We will have to see where that leads.
Reading blogs can give you many many ideas for sure! I have never learned so much and been so glad to see how others add this into their lives.
By the way, I've turned off commenting for a day or so. Had someone bother me Anon, so I may bring back the comments, just use confirmation or something.
UPDATE
I came back to update that Thom decided on Maintenance, but he said he's going to call it "Confessionals"
He said this will be when he pulls me OTK and questions me if there is anything I need to confess! Then depending on the issues, he will punish accordingly.
I'm not so sure about that! We will have to talk more, but he says it will always result in a spanking, just the degree will be modified.
Yikes!
*I forgot to add something that another blogger reminded me of.
Of those times when I become an evil green eyed monster, fussing, yelling and being short with the household we have something Thom calls "Reset" spankings.
I've seen others refer to these as well.
It's just sort of a "woman caught up in the stress and craziness of life" sort of thing for me.
I get ill mannered, ill tempered, argue, bicker, talk with attitude to our children and make things in the house hard for everyone. Thom will sometimes ask if I need "reset" and while most of the time I'd say NO, he usually is only asking to see if I'd ever say yes, and he fully intends to spank me anyways no matter what the answer is.
I can honestly admit that "resetting" works for me. I don't know WHY, but it does.
Little playful swats in everyday life that were harmless and fun.
Fun of course because Thom would use them playfully, but I always sensed that maybe he meant it in some ways for real.
Some of these came out as more truths after we started DD / TIH. All of those playful little teasing and such were actually things he wanted to spank me for, for real, but NOT as true punishment spankings. Well, maybe more of reminders, but in a fun way.
Fun because Thom is more than likely a spanko (though he would never call himself that, but he does enjoy giving them) and I guess I'm probably one as well because I enjoy the light hearted reminder kinds.
The point of this post is actually about all the types of spankings and what they can mean, and also that having many types of spankings is OK and not confusing if you talk about it before hand.
Something happened after our first try with punishment spanking. It seemed like Thom avoided any and all types of "fun spankings" for a few weeks.
I think maybe it was the shock value of actually giving a punishment spanking.
I sort of missed his playfulness, and I told him we needed to talk about it.
While it was hard to do, I told him I missed how playful he used to be and actually missed his little swats here and there throughout the day.
I didn't want to confuse you - was what he told me.
I told him I wouldn't be confused, but we had to figure out how spanking was going to work in our life if we were going to do this.
I didn't want to just wait around for a punishment spanking for breaking a rule.
The hardest part of that was having to admit that I liked his playful ways, and liked being spanked.
This was so confusing trying to talk about.
The main thing we figured out (as two people who were both ok with spanking in general) was that we could agree on using a few types of spankings.
One of course was punishment spanking, this was for breaking a major rule.
One was a reminder spanking - this was something totally spur of the moment. It was like the straightener in the sink issue. Thom was fed up over it and decided to spank right then and there, but only a few swats.
These are quite harmless spankings of course and to be honest, I sort of like them!
I just like that he has finally come to terms with the want to spank me and then acting on it in that way.
*(important note here - this whole things gets easier when the guy, boyfriend, HOH, wife even - whatever you want to call it- can get real with their feelings enough to know when to spank and do it because THEY want to spank. Coming to terms with this was the biggest hurdle we have had in this whole relationship! Be honest in your feelings and act on them. Some of the best points made to me were in a heated argument and I was pulled over his knee and told I was going to be spanked for _____, and asked if I understood why. He had finally had enough of something and just went with his feelings. I would have to say 98% of the time he was right in feeling it.)*
Another are erotic spankings, you can imagine those for yourself.
and the last one is something we do not do yet, but we are in the talks about.
Maintenance spankings.
We are not sure how to go about these as we seem to have different views on them as well as thinking of using them differently than other people describe.
Maintenance for most is more of spanking to show and remind who the boss / HOH is.
This is something Thom has always had a struggle with, as he can show leadership, but is not too much into being over me as a HOH, so we are unsure how we can use this type of spanking. He will spank when he wants to or needs to, but he does not want to micromanage my days or anything.
Thom was thinking of using it as more of a spank now no problems later kind of thing, or weekly reminder spanking, but I personally don't see a problem with saying it's to establish him in his role and I'm OK with it.
We will have to see where that leads.
Reading blogs can give you many many ideas for sure! I have never learned so much and been so glad to see how others add this into their lives.
By the way, I've turned off commenting for a day or so. Had someone bother me Anon, so I may bring back the comments, just use confirmation or something.
UPDATE
I came back to update that Thom decided on Maintenance, but he said he's going to call it "Confessionals"
He said this will be when he pulls me OTK and questions me if there is anything I need to confess! Then depending on the issues, he will punish accordingly.
I'm not so sure about that! We will have to talk more, but he says it will always result in a spanking, just the degree will be modified.
Yikes!
*I forgot to add something that another blogger reminded me of.
Of those times when I become an evil green eyed monster, fussing, yelling and being short with the household we have something Thom calls "Reset" spankings.
I've seen others refer to these as well.
It's just sort of a "woman caught up in the stress and craziness of life" sort of thing for me.
I get ill mannered, ill tempered, argue, bicker, talk with attitude to our children and make things in the house hard for everyone. Thom will sometimes ask if I need "reset" and while most of the time I'd say NO, he usually is only asking to see if I'd ever say yes, and he fully intends to spank me anyways no matter what the answer is.
I can honestly admit that "resetting" works for me. I don't know WHY, but it does.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Been awhile - back to blogging
It's been a bit.
I recently had a falling out with a friend over DD / TIH / that thing we do... whatever you want to call it.
I never planned on this friend finding out about Thom and I because I knew she was a little over the top, a very feminist kind of girl, but someone who I used to identify with so well... and now not so much.
She found out about our lifestyle and of course was outraged.
She said I needed to leave, take my kids and go... she went all out.
She really just wouldn't listen to what I had to say and it ended with me siding with my husband of course and she and I no longer speaking.
Afterwards, I began to feel kind of weird, almost silly and stupid for practicing DD.
I was questioning myself and why we were doing what we did.
We talked a lot about it and I even re read all my blogs. It helped a bit.
I have not questioned it as much as I did over the past few weeks.
"HOW can this be something you want"? she asked me..
I just couldn't explain it to her. It's almost like now I need it. I need it to deal with and handle my feelings. It's my release and it's how we can connect at times.
"What could you possible gain from this"? she had also asked...
Well, that one I thought a lot about. Sure I can talk up how great it is, but did it really HELP.. has it helped?
For one thing I can see a change in my husband. He has become more confidant, and to this I could see her saying "How can he be more confidant? because he beats his wife"?
No.... it's SO not like that.
It's more than that.
It's about taking charge of a situation, taking charge of me, taking charge of our family and making sure we are all ok and honestly... making sure we feel loved and cared for.
Him stepping up and learning to read me, and to know my needs (and if and when and how to spank me) has challenged him and made him more aware of me and from that we have grown SO close. I really just can't describe it, but I know that when I'm lost, he is my rock and I can not even begin to explain how comfortable that makes me feel inside.
I know our marriage is for the long road because of this.
How else is he confidant? I think just getting through starting DD/ TIH made him come out of his shell. getting over those few few bumps was tough, but he became more assertive in daily life, not just with me.
The difference in our girls is amazing to.
Daddy is seen in a different light now and also, seeing "daddy and mommy" loving one another has also impacted them for the good not to mention we fight less than ever because he knows when to "take me in hand" so to say.
These past few weeks have been hard for me, but I'm glad I got through it and realized not to doubt WHO we are and what we are doing.
I've read many other blogs out there of other happy couples doing this too and writing this gave me the final push to erase any doubt I felt after my argument with my friend.
I can only hope one day we can talk more openly about this all and I can share with her that I AM happy and NOT hurt or abused.
Oh, I also wanted to mention a wonderful blog post about beginning this all.
I hope it's ok to link. I have read a ton of blogs and I really liked this post:
Knowing your Roles - In the beginning
I felt a bit of the same way a bit, and it is always interesting to see how couples begin this crazy journey!
I recently had a falling out with a friend over DD / TIH / that thing we do... whatever you want to call it.
I never planned on this friend finding out about Thom and I because I knew she was a little over the top, a very feminist kind of girl, but someone who I used to identify with so well... and now not so much.
She found out about our lifestyle and of course was outraged.
She said I needed to leave, take my kids and go... she went all out.
She really just wouldn't listen to what I had to say and it ended with me siding with my husband of course and she and I no longer speaking.
Afterwards, I began to feel kind of weird, almost silly and stupid for practicing DD.
I was questioning myself and why we were doing what we did.
We talked a lot about it and I even re read all my blogs. It helped a bit.
I have not questioned it as much as I did over the past few weeks.
"HOW can this be something you want"? she asked me..
I just couldn't explain it to her. It's almost like now I need it. I need it to deal with and handle my feelings. It's my release and it's how we can connect at times.
"What could you possible gain from this"? she had also asked...
Well, that one I thought a lot about. Sure I can talk up how great it is, but did it really HELP.. has it helped?
For one thing I can see a change in my husband. He has become more confidant, and to this I could see her saying "How can he be more confidant? because he beats his wife"?
No.... it's SO not like that.
It's more than that.
It's about taking charge of a situation, taking charge of me, taking charge of our family and making sure we are all ok and honestly... making sure we feel loved and cared for.
Him stepping up and learning to read me, and to know my needs (and if and when and how to spank me) has challenged him and made him more aware of me and from that we have grown SO close. I really just can't describe it, but I know that when I'm lost, he is my rock and I can not even begin to explain how comfortable that makes me feel inside.
I know our marriage is for the long road because of this.
How else is he confidant? I think just getting through starting DD/ TIH made him come out of his shell. getting over those few few bumps was tough, but he became more assertive in daily life, not just with me.
The difference in our girls is amazing to.
Daddy is seen in a different light now and also, seeing "daddy and mommy" loving one another has also impacted them for the good not to mention we fight less than ever because he knows when to "take me in hand" so to say.
These past few weeks have been hard for me, but I'm glad I got through it and realized not to doubt WHO we are and what we are doing.
I've read many other blogs out there of other happy couples doing this too and writing this gave me the final push to erase any doubt I felt after my argument with my friend.
I can only hope one day we can talk more openly about this all and I can share with her that I AM happy and NOT hurt or abused.
Oh, I also wanted to mention a wonderful blog post about beginning this all.
I hope it's ok to link. I have read a ton of blogs and I really liked this post:
Knowing your Roles - In the beginning
I felt a bit of the same way a bit, and it is always interesting to see how couples begin this crazy journey!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Tension
Tension.
I hate tension in the household.
Thankfully, wether it's welcomed or not (spankings that it), living in a dd / tih marriage seems to keep tension at bay.
This weekend however was tension and not at bay for me.
I'm not sure how it started, well, I guess I have to be honest when I say I know how it started. It starts when I hold back things, thought and feelings.
I was feeling moody, and or had felt moody a bit towards Thom.
He'd been busy at work, then was sitting around reading his nook most of the night Friday and I was tending to kids.
I don't know if I was feeling sorry for myself, but whatever it was I was getting deeper and deeper into my cloud. We both went to bed and got up for church with mild little bickering here and there and by late afternoon, it was obvious.
The tension.
Thom felt it, I felt it but I think I was ignoring it.
What is the cure for the tension that isn't talked about and turns into a slightly moody wife? A few warnings and then BAM! it's taken care of. Nipped in the bud as he likes to say.
As much as I hate to admit it, I feel better now, there is no longer tension in the house or in me.
Why can't I see myself get into these clouds? (he asked me this) moreover, why can't I just talk to him before it turns into the ugly gray cloud (he call it that, my ugly gray cloud)
I think the warnings and the spanking are; one to pull me out of the cloud, and two to remind me of what I should have done in the first place - talk about it so it doesn't get bad enough to get to a spanking.
I do know better, but I let myself get into these things so easily. It also doesn't happen as often as it used to, so maybe something is working in that area.
I was thinking about all the things I've been spanked for. I can honestly think that it's one of a few reasons and always seems to be those things (as we do not practice maintenance spankings here - I don't even know if he knows about that. I don't think he would want to do that as he has a small issue with really saying he is HOH and that I need reminded of that by weekly sessions)
Most of the time it's been for breaking me out of the cloud, sometimes it's been for just having a nasty attitude and being disrespectful (maybe even being bratty), and only a few times has it been for the silly things - the straightener in the sink, the lost drivers license (times 4!), for leaving my ATM card in the machine and then not having it while I was out with 4 kids and a full cart at the store and once for messing around with something he directly said not to (cables for the computer) and doing it anyways then messing up a bunch of stuff... those are always lighter spankings and more swats with a brush.
Whatever it is, I can't put my finger on it, but it actually works. I don't know if it's a release for me or him sometimes.
I hate tension in the household.
Thankfully, wether it's welcomed or not (spankings that it), living in a dd / tih marriage seems to keep tension at bay.
This weekend however was tension and not at bay for me.
I'm not sure how it started, well, I guess I have to be honest when I say I know how it started. It starts when I hold back things, thought and feelings.
I was feeling moody, and or had felt moody a bit towards Thom.
He'd been busy at work, then was sitting around reading his nook most of the night Friday and I was tending to kids.
I don't know if I was feeling sorry for myself, but whatever it was I was getting deeper and deeper into my cloud. We both went to bed and got up for church with mild little bickering here and there and by late afternoon, it was obvious.
The tension.
Thom felt it, I felt it but I think I was ignoring it.
What is the cure for the tension that isn't talked about and turns into a slightly moody wife? A few warnings and then BAM! it's taken care of. Nipped in the bud as he likes to say.
As much as I hate to admit it, I feel better now, there is no longer tension in the house or in me.
Why can't I see myself get into these clouds? (he asked me this) moreover, why can't I just talk to him before it turns into the ugly gray cloud (he call it that, my ugly gray cloud)
I think the warnings and the spanking are; one to pull me out of the cloud, and two to remind me of what I should have done in the first place - talk about it so it doesn't get bad enough to get to a spanking.
I do know better, but I let myself get into these things so easily. It also doesn't happen as often as it used to, so maybe something is working in that area.
I was thinking about all the things I've been spanked for. I can honestly think that it's one of a few reasons and always seems to be those things (as we do not practice maintenance spankings here - I don't even know if he knows about that. I don't think he would want to do that as he has a small issue with really saying he is HOH and that I need reminded of that by weekly sessions)
Most of the time it's been for breaking me out of the cloud, sometimes it's been for just having a nasty attitude and being disrespectful (maybe even being bratty), and only a few times has it been for the silly things - the straightener in the sink, the lost drivers license (times 4!), for leaving my ATM card in the machine and then not having it while I was out with 4 kids and a full cart at the store and once for messing around with something he directly said not to (cables for the computer) and doing it anyways then messing up a bunch of stuff... those are always lighter spankings and more swats with a brush.
Whatever it is, I can't put my finger on it, but it actually works. I don't know if it's a release for me or him sometimes.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Being submissive and some stories...
I've had a lot of thoughts from the outside once I started looking around at blogs on DD / Taken Hand. One of the things that was the biggest change for me was WHY I wanted to, or HOW could I become Submissive to my Husband.
I'm a strong girl, I can live alone and have done so in the past. I KNOW I can take care of myself. I'm intelligent and proud, so WHY on earth would I want to submit to anyone?
Well, that's a good question.
First off, it's already established that I knew inside that I was a strong person and could do whatever I needed to do to take care of myself, but deep inside me was a person who WANTED to be cared for, not just an equal partner in a relationship.
I had a primitive urge to depend on someone at an emotional level and once I found that someone, a person whom I love with all my heart, I longed for him to take charge and become "my man".
While my Husband isn't the most take charge guy, he did grow personally once I began submitting to his control.
Since I already knew I could control myself and BE in control, it was almost easy to control stepping back and letting HIM be in control and gain confidence in himself.
His new found confidence almost immediately and that made me attracted to him more than I ever had been! It's been a beautiful thing to see him in that light.
Me being submissive was sort of a gift to myself and to my Husband. I guess it's kind of hard to explain, but I can say I honestly believe that BOTH parties get something out of the relationship.
I have two stories. One is about two people who were arguing and came to a conclusion about a DD type relationship by themselves.
A couple had been fighting for awhile and finally the man had said "Why do we do this? What can I do when I tell you I've had enough, but you still continue to push it and argue more?
The woman responds with "what do you WANT to do?"
The man thought about it for a second and said "Seriously, sometimes I want to just beat your ass!" and to that she replied "Well, then do it!" thinking that he wouldn't, BUT with that (her suggestion and possible submissive attitude) he tossed her onto the couch and began to swat her as hard as he could. He continued to do so until he could almost FEEL her becoming submissive to him. He felt her anger and rage dissolving.
He then held her as she cried and felt bad for what he had done, but much to his surprise, she clung to him, tightly and said "Thank you!"
Something clicked between them.
What once would have been a several day fight, tension and bickering, was taken care of in one moment. No more mind games, ignoring or guilt trips.
She had stepped over the line, pushed and the man had pushed back. Both were left feeling that the problem had ended and the lines of communication were more open. What was more important was that each person realized what needed to be done, acted on it and resolved it with love. YES love.
No one can really explain the dynamic that this type of relationship can create unless you maybe live in it, but there is a lot to be said for it. *(this story is a vague description of something that a friend described as they found their way into this type of relationship on their own.. never reading blogs before or knowing anyone call this anything - LOL.. who knew it could be human nature?)*
One more quick story -
We were out at Subway getting a sub to take home.
I hear this very annoying woman being very nasty with her Husband when he came to the table with their food.
"Where is the side of dressing? she said "I wanted it on the side.... God Frank! can't you do anything right, didn't you even tell her I wanted it on the side?" She said this as her kids began to open their subs and eat.
"Frank" just stood there and took her nasty words, he mumbled something and went back to get her dressing.
As we waited in line we overheard several other things she complained to him about, including his faults for something that he left at work, and even had remarked to the kids about "daddy" being forgetful.
It's funny when you hear these things.. I can think only that it could have been ME back there... I know I used to treat Thom in a much less respectful manner before.
The funny part was that upon hearing this woman, we just smiled at each other and Thom said to me "Looks like SOMEONE needs a good spanking!" Ha ha! I bet that poor man wishes he could.
I left feeling bad for poor ol "Frank". I held my husbands hand as we left and thought about how lucky we were, like we knew some kind of little secret.
I'm a strong girl, I can live alone and have done so in the past. I KNOW I can take care of myself. I'm intelligent and proud, so WHY on earth would I want to submit to anyone?
Well, that's a good question.
First off, it's already established that I knew inside that I was a strong person and could do whatever I needed to do to take care of myself, but deep inside me was a person who WANTED to be cared for, not just an equal partner in a relationship.
I had a primitive urge to depend on someone at an emotional level and once I found that someone, a person whom I love with all my heart, I longed for him to take charge and become "my man".
While my Husband isn't the most take charge guy, he did grow personally once I began submitting to his control.
Since I already knew I could control myself and BE in control, it was almost easy to control stepping back and letting HIM be in control and gain confidence in himself.
His new found confidence almost immediately and that made me attracted to him more than I ever had been! It's been a beautiful thing to see him in that light.
Me being submissive was sort of a gift to myself and to my Husband. I guess it's kind of hard to explain, but I can say I honestly believe that BOTH parties get something out of the relationship.
I have two stories. One is about two people who were arguing and came to a conclusion about a DD type relationship by themselves.
A couple had been fighting for awhile and finally the man had said "Why do we do this? What can I do when I tell you I've had enough, but you still continue to push it and argue more?
The woman responds with "what do you WANT to do?"
The man thought about it for a second and said "Seriously, sometimes I want to just beat your ass!" and to that she replied "Well, then do it!" thinking that he wouldn't, BUT with that (her suggestion and possible submissive attitude) he tossed her onto the couch and began to swat her as hard as he could. He continued to do so until he could almost FEEL her becoming submissive to him. He felt her anger and rage dissolving.
He then held her as she cried and felt bad for what he had done, but much to his surprise, she clung to him, tightly and said "Thank you!"
Something clicked between them.
What once would have been a several day fight, tension and bickering, was taken care of in one moment. No more mind games, ignoring or guilt trips.
She had stepped over the line, pushed and the man had pushed back. Both were left feeling that the problem had ended and the lines of communication were more open. What was more important was that each person realized what needed to be done, acted on it and resolved it with love. YES love.
No one can really explain the dynamic that this type of relationship can create unless you maybe live in it, but there is a lot to be said for it. *(this story is a vague description of something that a friend described as they found their way into this type of relationship on their own.. never reading blogs before or knowing anyone call this anything - LOL.. who knew it could be human nature?)*
One more quick story -
We were out at Subway getting a sub to take home.
I hear this very annoying woman being very nasty with her Husband when he came to the table with their food.
"Where is the side of dressing? she said "I wanted it on the side.... God Frank! can't you do anything right, didn't you even tell her I wanted it on the side?" She said this as her kids began to open their subs and eat.
"Frank" just stood there and took her nasty words, he mumbled something and went back to get her dressing.
As we waited in line we overheard several other things she complained to him about, including his faults for something that he left at work, and even had remarked to the kids about "daddy" being forgetful.
It's funny when you hear these things.. I can think only that it could have been ME back there... I know I used to treat Thom in a much less respectful manner before.
The funny part was that upon hearing this woman, we just smiled at each other and Thom said to me "Looks like SOMEONE needs a good spanking!" Ha ha! I bet that poor man wishes he could.
I left feeling bad for poor ol "Frank". I held my husbands hand as we left and thought about how lucky we were, like we knew some kind of little secret.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Regular old blogging
I felt like writing a normal blog today, more of an "in the present kind" of blog instead of our journey.
Today was a first for me.
A swatting for something trivial or so I thought (but Thom didn't think so).
For years (seriously years) I have always gotten ready in the bathroom in front of the sink. I dry my hair there and use my straightener there.
I'd have to say about 5 times out of 10 I put away my stuff when I'm done. If the straightener is still hot and I'm in a rush, I leave it in the sink. I unplug it and leave it there as to not burn anything.
This drives Thom NUTS!
He has told me over 100 times to get that out of the sink and put it away ASAP.
So yesterday, he was hanging up a mirror in the upstairs hallway and it slipped out of his hands and ended up cutting his forearm. He rushed into our bathroom and held his arm in the sink and ran water on it.
I think you can guess what was IN the sink.
My straightener!
"Sunny!" he yelled. "Get up here now!"
I came upstairs to find him holding a towel to his arm and him pointing in the sink. There was my straightener with bloody water on it.
"You are getting spanked for that, I've told you a thousand times to put that stuff away and this is exactly a reason why!"
Oh no I though... Oh yes he thought, and over the sink I was put for several swats.
Guess who will be remembering to put their things away from now on. ME!
I can't believe I wrote a post about how we don't use punishments for little things, and how we had only used them for major problems.. I guess that's how these things progress though. I can say our list of rules and such has grown quite a lot over the years.
Today was a first for me.
A swatting for something trivial or so I thought (but Thom didn't think so).
For years (seriously years) I have always gotten ready in the bathroom in front of the sink. I dry my hair there and use my straightener there.
I'd have to say about 5 times out of 10 I put away my stuff when I'm done. If the straightener is still hot and I'm in a rush, I leave it in the sink. I unplug it and leave it there as to not burn anything.
This drives Thom NUTS!
He has told me over 100 times to get that out of the sink and put it away ASAP.
So yesterday, he was hanging up a mirror in the upstairs hallway and it slipped out of his hands and ended up cutting his forearm. He rushed into our bathroom and held his arm in the sink and ran water on it.
I think you can guess what was IN the sink.
My straightener!
"Sunny!" he yelled. "Get up here now!"
I came upstairs to find him holding a towel to his arm and him pointing in the sink. There was my straightener with bloody water on it.
"You are getting spanked for that, I've told you a thousand times to put that stuff away and this is exactly a reason why!"
Oh no I though... Oh yes he thought, and over the sink I was put for several swats.
Guess who will be remembering to put their things away from now on. ME!
I can't believe I wrote a post about how we don't use punishments for little things, and how we had only used them for major problems.. I guess that's how these things progress though. I can say our list of rules and such has grown quite a lot over the years.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The ins and outs
The most important thing people wonder is WHY? Why would a husband spank their wife and why would a wife allow it?
Those are simple questions that have deep roots.
I have seen a post and wanted to share parts of it that I thought stood out as far as these questions go. For many people, spanking not only makes them accountable for their actions and helps correct them, it's also about letting go of emotional baggage that clutter many women's heads.
Those are simple questions that have deep roots.
I have seen a post and wanted to share parts of it that I thought stood out as far as these questions go. For many people, spanking not only makes them accountable for their actions and helps correct them, it's also about letting go of emotional baggage that clutter many women's heads.
At its core, spanking is a form of nonverbal communication. Counting and clock watching during a spanking makes about as much sense as limiting an important discussion to five minutes or twenty-five words.
The two humps to be crossed during a first spanking are usually embarrassment over needing to be spanked like a child and anger arising from actually being spanked. While they may diminish over time, the venting can be quite pronounced the first time.
One strategy is to allow the woman to vent her feelings beforehand. Listen to all the objections, all the excuses. Even tolerate little white lies. Let her says everything she has to say, knowing at the end, she is going to get a spanking. For once a woman sees herself spanked, in her own mind, the rest is merely going through the motions.
When it comes to the actual spanking, a woman's embarrassment is more easily dealt with than her rage. Even if she has never been spanked in her life, or claims that her father never pulled her pants down when he spanked her, there is an instinctive understanding that loss of protective clothing is usually a given.
However, a frustrated woman's raging anger while she is being spanked may be something for which a man may be totally unprepared once a woman begins to lose her grip on the protection of a tightly held mystique. It is also something from which he should learn about her inner thoughts and motives.
A first spanking should never be ended when a woman is in a mid-stream of anger. It will breed the same resentment as building a woman to orgasm and leaving her hanging. In many cases, especially as women marry at a later age and have more partners, women come into a relationship with a ton of emotional and psychological baggage that needs to be offloaded of the marriage is to survive.
when it comes time for that first post-marital spanking - and in almost every relationship between a man and a woman, there will be that time - both parties sense that something needs to be done to break the a deadlock or power struggle.
The two humps to be crossed during a first spanking are usually embarrassment over needing to be spanked like a child and anger arising from actually being spanked. While they may diminish over time, the venting can be quite pronounced the first time.
One strategy is to allow the woman to vent her feelings beforehand. Listen to all the objections, all the excuses. Even tolerate little white lies. Let her says everything she has to say, knowing at the end, she is going to get a spanking. For once a woman sees herself spanked, in her own mind, the rest is merely going through the motions.
When it comes to the actual spanking, a woman's embarrassment is more easily dealt with than her rage. Even if she has never been spanked in her life, or claims that her father never pulled her pants down when he spanked her, there is an instinctive understanding that loss of protective clothing is usually a given.
However, a frustrated woman's raging anger while she is being spanked may be something for which a man may be totally unprepared once a woman begins to lose her grip on the protection of a tightly held mystique. It is also something from which he should learn about her inner thoughts and motives.
A first spanking should never be ended when a woman is in a mid-stream of anger. It will breed the same resentment as building a woman to orgasm and leaving her hanging. In many cases, especially as women marry at a later age and have more partners, women come into a relationship with a ton of emotional and psychological baggage that needs to be offloaded of the marriage is to survive.
when it comes time for that first post-marital spanking - and in almost every relationship between a man and a woman, there will be that time - both parties sense that something needs to be done to break the a deadlock or power struggle.
While it comes as a surprise to most men, women are often the ones to perceive spanking as a viable option before the man becomes aware of the potentially effective solution. As one un spanked wife and mother admitted, "I have to admit that it [getting bare bottom spankings from her husband] would improve things."
Although there are many times when thorough preliminary discussions are possible - and desirable - by the time the relationship reaches some impasse over some unresolved issue, sometimes discussion is not as complete as it might otherwise be. A surprising number of first spankings in successful relationships seem to be more impulsive rather than meticulously planned ahead of time.
The good news is that, within the context of a functional marriage, much of the meaningful communication - consisting of looks, body language, and the like - is nonverbal. Even in abbreviated or abridged verbal communication, silences and intonations can speak volumes.
When couples arrive at a potential roadblock in their life together, it is often because some impediment to the relationship needs to be removed before they can get on with their life. It is at this point that the man needs to examine himself to determine whether or not he is not the source of the difficulty rather than the woman.
Under the right circumstances, a woman refusing to discuss a situation may be saying that she needs a spanking as much as the woman who throws a tantrum more befitting a two-year-old. Silence and coldness in a woman are, likewise, languages that a man needs to understand as emotional blockages to be removed through spanking.
Once a woman is made to cry, release of mental garbage soon follows.
It is important to understand that spanking is more about reaching a woman's mind than it is about taking her clothes off and positioning her body. The woman for whom accumulated guilt constitutes an emotional ball and chain may, even subconsciously, seek out a lover capable of taking her in hand.
When burdened by emotional baggage, psychological frustration, or overwhelming guilt, a woman is not so much concerned with the particulars as the result. This is why, unless there is some compelling reason to do so, women seldom offer specific details of their experiences. Merely to admit, "We had a very unpleasant discussion about my behavior," says it all.
Bring a woman to non-sexual climax - a release - as the result of a spanking is quite similar to bringing her to orgasm sexually. It has more to do with the man's understanding the woman and his timing than in the mechanics of the act.
Spanking is a seduction in which time and trust are more important than brute strength. Often, the goal is to finesse an emotional release from guilt or other emotional baggage that is not otherwise possible. A common intent is to stabilize the relationship rather than to punish any offense.
The physical act of spanking a woman is deceptively simple. Any fool can do it. The trick is to make her respect him for doing it the first time and expect him to do it again under similar circumstances. Although he does not have to be gentle with her, she does have to know that he cares.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Still learning!
A wonderful thing happened when we began to get into the swing of things with Taken in Hand / TTWD / DD relationship.
Our whole household changed and for the better.
To some it may seem completely sexist for me to say it, but our own children noticed that change right away when "Daddy" started enforcing the rules too.
Usually it was a "mommy" thing to do. We both ruled the home, but I think sometimes the kids just naturally responded and came to me with issues.
The kids literally saw ME as the boss most of the time. It took some time, but now everyone knows that Dad can enforce the rules and that HE can be boss too. One of the best things is we do it together, but it's NOT "mommy" overpowering "daddy" and the kids see a more healthy relationship.
So I wanted to share some articles for guys wanting or interested in Taking the wife in Hand.
The first are some good beginner things for men:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/what-is-domestic-discipline.html
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/welcome-to-learning-domestic-discipline.html
http://www.takeninhand.com/husbands.getting.started.at.taking.charge
http://www.takeninhand.com/advice.for.husbands.beginning.to.take.charge.in.their.marriage
http://www.takeninhand.com/if.you.want.your.wife.to.give.you.respect.give.her.love
http://www.takeninhand.com/what.women.want
And...... The big one! (The one no one can believe)
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/punishment-3-beginner-level-spankings.html
http://www.takeninhand.com/a.beginners.guide.to.spanking
Here is a page for Women too:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/05/womans-perspective.html
http://www.takeninhand.com/category/categories/whats.in.it.for.the.woman
For us, I'd have to say that we use a variation of Taken in Hand, TTWD, and DD. I urge anyone interested in this dynamic to just read and talk. Make up your OWN rules and don't just let something else set the standard for how YOUR household could and should work.
I think this is all the beginner stuff for now.
I will keep this blog for updates now and personal writings. I really wanted to have a good base of how we got to where we are for other people interested in this lifestyle.
Also, I may post a book link as well when I get time.
Our whole household changed and for the better.
To some it may seem completely sexist for me to say it, but our own children noticed that change right away when "Daddy" started enforcing the rules too.
Usually it was a "mommy" thing to do. We both ruled the home, but I think sometimes the kids just naturally responded and came to me with issues.
The kids literally saw ME as the boss most of the time. It took some time, but now everyone knows that Dad can enforce the rules and that HE can be boss too. One of the best things is we do it together, but it's NOT "mommy" overpowering "daddy" and the kids see a more healthy relationship.
So I wanted to share some articles for guys wanting or interested in Taking the wife in Hand.
The first are some good beginner things for men:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/what-is-domestic-discipline.html
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/welcome-to-learning-domestic-discipline.html
http://www.takeninhand.com/husbands.getting.started.at.taking.charge
http://www.takeninhand.com/advice.for.husbands.beginning.to.take.charge.in.their.marriage
http://www.takeninhand.com/if.you.want.your.wife.to.give.you.respect.give.her.love
http://www.takeninhand.com/what.women.want
And...... The big one! (The one no one can believe)
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/04/punishment-3-beginner-level-spankings.html
http://www.takeninhand.com/a.beginners.guide.to.spanking
Here is a page for Women too:
http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2011/05/womans-perspective.html
http://www.takeninhand.com/category/categories/whats.in.it.for.the.woman
For us, I'd have to say that we use a variation of Taken in Hand, TTWD, and DD. I urge anyone interested in this dynamic to just read and talk. Make up your OWN rules and don't just let something else set the standard for how YOUR household could and should work.
I think this is all the beginner stuff for now.
I will keep this blog for updates now and personal writings. I really wanted to have a good base of how we got to where we are for other people interested in this lifestyle.
Also, I may post a book link as well when I get time.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
A view and a little more...
This is my final post for the day. I've re read many old journals and why I only posted two real ones, I tried to sum up the rules and put them into one new post because if I put all those journals on here it would be a lot! It did take us quite some time to get into our rules.
I wanted to put in something from Thom, about how he saw things in the beginning too since I only put my own things here:
Little swats? I can now laugh at that because I remember how I did a lot of door slamming and maybe even foot stomping.
The last thing that really sticks with me (as something people question), for people just beginning this, there is always the thought and or talk about sex.
Is spanking sexual?
Yes, it can be for some. It can be very erotic depending on each individual.
Would a husband or wife be excited about it being a sexual experience? Maybe! The thing is, it's different for everyone.
So to new people coming into this, I can say do NOT be surprised if sex become better than ever once you've taken this journey!
Also, if you are into other things, play around with it, you never know where it can lead or if you can bring things into it!
While punishment spankings are not for sex, or supposed to be erotic, a big thing to know and not be ashamed of is that sometimes, sex can be involved in the discipline process.
Now a bit ago I would say that this should never happen, but recently there has been times where Thom has maybe punished me by only giving me 5 swats over his lap, for something small (maybe like forgetting my wallet for the 100th time!) and he's become aroused.
This then led into a confusing awkward moment at first, but we got past it and we just say that it's OK when/or if it happens and we have let it happen resulting in some very good sex!
I'll leave it at that for now!
I wanted to put in something from Thom, about how he saw things in the beginning too since I only put my own things here:
I think the biggest part for me was just knowing about it at first, getting the idea that people did it, and consented to it.
The strange part was that once I did know about it, and hear a bit about it from Jason, that I found myself thinking about it.
It's not only the idea that I would be holding Sunny accountable for her actions, but that I'd have to be working on myself and MY own actions all the time.
It would really almost force me to take charge of what I needed to do and also help keep her on track at the same time.
It seemed like I would have to be a constant watch on myself and why I didn't really want to be this big leader of the house kind of thing, I did know I needed to be harder on myself and take more action in things.
The strange part was that once I did know about it, and hear a bit about it from Jason, that I found myself thinking about it.
It's not only the idea that I would be holding Sunny accountable for her actions, but that I'd have to be working on myself and MY own actions all the time.
It would really almost force me to take charge of what I needed to do and also help keep her on track at the same time.
It seemed like I would have to be a constant watch on myself and why I didn't really want to be this big leader of the house kind of thing, I did know I needed to be harder on myself and take more action in things.
One of the funny things for me was seeing Sunny in a new light too.
Like I said, after I knew about it, I would see her doing these things, getting mad or frustrated and fussing around at me, slamming a door, or giving me a cold shoulder and I'd actually start to think to myself "Man she being such a pain!"
I almost wished I could just give her a few quick little swats to snap her out of her anger and spiteful way, just a little bit.
Like I said, after I knew about it, I would see her doing these things, getting mad or frustrated and fussing around at me, slamming a door, or giving me a cold shoulder and I'd actually start to think to myself "Man she being such a pain!"
I almost wished I could just give her a few quick little swats to snap her out of her anger and spiteful way, just a little bit.
I think that one of the turning points was after we had finally broken through the anger, she almost wished I would have stopped her sooner when she couldn't see herself being like that.
The hardest part would be could "I" act on it and carry it out if it was ever needed. That was the biggest hurdle! I also can't believe just how so many things fell into place after only a short time. I really did struggle with awful thoughts after the first few times, but things seemed to work and I guess I just stopped questioning it.
The one thing to never forget is to not get lax, or fall into old habits. Consistency is important! This is something to keep up on to make it grow into what you need for your relationship.
The one thing to never forget is to not get lax, or fall into old habits. Consistency is important! This is something to keep up on to make it grow into what you need for your relationship.
Little swats? I can now laugh at that because I remember how I did a lot of door slamming and maybe even foot stomping.
The last thing that really sticks with me (as something people question), for people just beginning this, there is always the thought and or talk about sex.
Is spanking sexual?
Yes, it can be for some. It can be very erotic depending on each individual.
Would a husband or wife be excited about it being a sexual experience? Maybe! The thing is, it's different for everyone.
So to new people coming into this, I can say do NOT be surprised if sex become better than ever once you've taken this journey!
Also, if you are into other things, play around with it, you never know where it can lead or if you can bring things into it!
While punishment spankings are not for sex, or supposed to be erotic, a big thing to know and not be ashamed of is that sometimes, sex can be involved in the discipline process.
Now a bit ago I would say that this should never happen, but recently there has been times where Thom has maybe punished me by only giving me 5 swats over his lap, for something small (maybe like forgetting my wallet for the 100th time!) and he's become aroused.
This then led into a confusing awkward moment at first, but we got past it and we just say that it's OK when/or if it happens and we have let it happen resulting in some very good sex!
I'll leave it at that for now!
Our Rules
So I know there are a lot of questions people have about the rules. In the beginning our rules were simple.
We used 4 Ds - Disrespect, Disobeying, Dishonesty and Dangerous.
Why I had no real understanding of these how detailed all the could be, I can say we put our own ideas into effect here.
The Disobeying was not to mean my husband ordered me around to get him things, or do all his laundry, cook for him and basically become his slave. If that is for you and your spouse and your relationship, Great!, but we are not like that. Some people are and that's fine.
Disobeying to us was more something like this: Sunny, your tooth has been bothering you for a while now and I done hearing you complain about it. I want you to make and appointment by the end of the week. This was a simple demand, made for my own good (and because he loved me!) and made with a time line.
This was something we agreed on, that a demand be made only in areas where we feel we need help, not silly requests. If I did not make the appointment, then that would be Disobeying. If I did make the appointment, then the same request would be set for the appointment. I was to go, no excuses and if not then there would be punishment.
Now that can mean a lot of different thing to a lot of different people. YOU can set this up as anything you want. Every rule we made, we talked about it and how it would be played out.
I think Dishonesty is really a no brainer, basically lying. It could be lying about doing something, or lying about feelings (not being open) but any type of lying has consequences. This one is big for us, and quite personal.
Disrespect. This one is very different for everyone.
While there is not dishing out punishment for me rolling my eyes every so often, it is considered disrespectful and is warned if he grows tired of an attitude I have taken.
There are other people I hear of who would get punishment for this, but again, we use Taken in Hand very lightly and are still new to everything.
Now, if eye rolling and or mocking became more than just playful, and it was turning into a fight, or going on weeks of disrespecting and just getting into a rut, then punishment would be used to bring balance back to the equation.
Also, lack of self respect. Talking down about one's self can be seen as disrespecting.
Dangerous for us is something like the disobeying, but not.
Dangerous things could be things like not seeking help in medical situations "just because" or not going to the dentist when needed, also things like texting and driving as well as any other things that one could do to their body in which you could be physically hurt or hurt others. Again, some people take this further then we do.
So, these are the four basics we live by for now. They started out to include just a few things and now we have quite a lot in each category!
*also, we do not do maintenance spankings (yet anyways) and we use a system of degree spankings. Everyone has their own I'm sure, but we have some that are bigger offenders than others. Something small will be 5 or so swats, maybe even over clothing, and something large, like being in a huge rut, or really going overboard on a big rule would result in an over the knee, bared spanking, possibly with an implement (this is new for us now) and this would be a punishment spanking, used for making a point.
A few things that are always a constant for us is, making sure there is always a lecture of sorts. A WHY are you here (over the knee or bed) and do you understand why it was wrong, followed by the spanking and possible explanation of what is expected from this point forward.
We used 4 Ds - Disrespect, Disobeying, Dishonesty and Dangerous.
Why I had no real understanding of these how detailed all the could be, I can say we put our own ideas into effect here.
The Disobeying was not to mean my husband ordered me around to get him things, or do all his laundry, cook for him and basically become his slave. If that is for you and your spouse and your relationship, Great!, but we are not like that. Some people are and that's fine.
Disobeying to us was more something like this: Sunny, your tooth has been bothering you for a while now and I done hearing you complain about it. I want you to make and appointment by the end of the week. This was a simple demand, made for my own good (and because he loved me!) and made with a time line.
This was something we agreed on, that a demand be made only in areas where we feel we need help, not silly requests. If I did not make the appointment, then that would be Disobeying. If I did make the appointment, then the same request would be set for the appointment. I was to go, no excuses and if not then there would be punishment.
Now that can mean a lot of different thing to a lot of different people. YOU can set this up as anything you want. Every rule we made, we talked about it and how it would be played out.
I think Dishonesty is really a no brainer, basically lying. It could be lying about doing something, or lying about feelings (not being open) but any type of lying has consequences. This one is big for us, and quite personal.
Disrespect. This one is very different for everyone.
While there is not dishing out punishment for me rolling my eyes every so often, it is considered disrespectful and is warned if he grows tired of an attitude I have taken.
There are other people I hear of who would get punishment for this, but again, we use Taken in Hand very lightly and are still new to everything.
Now, if eye rolling and or mocking became more than just playful, and it was turning into a fight, or going on weeks of disrespecting and just getting into a rut, then punishment would be used to bring balance back to the equation.
Also, lack of self respect. Talking down about one's self can be seen as disrespecting.
Dangerous for us is something like the disobeying, but not.
Dangerous things could be things like not seeking help in medical situations "just because" or not going to the dentist when needed, also things like texting and driving as well as any other things that one could do to their body in which you could be physically hurt or hurt others. Again, some people take this further then we do.
So, these are the four basics we live by for now. They started out to include just a few things and now we have quite a lot in each category!
*also, we do not do maintenance spankings (yet anyways) and we use a system of degree spankings. Everyone has their own I'm sure, but we have some that are bigger offenders than others. Something small will be 5 or so swats, maybe even over clothing, and something large, like being in a huge rut, or really going overboard on a big rule would result in an over the knee, bared spanking, possibly with an implement (this is new for us now) and this would be a punishment spanking, used for making a point.
A few things that are always a constant for us is, making sure there is always a lecture of sorts. A WHY are you here (over the knee or bed) and do you understand why it was wrong, followed by the spanking and possible explanation of what is expected from this point forward.
Journal 2
This was my second Journal, but it spanned over 4 weeks I think. I was not writing as much because life at home was crazy! The kids were much younger then.
Journal 2, 3, 4 whatever
It's been a few weeks and we are at a crossroads again. Arguing and not remembering to treat each other how we agreed on and we both have been slacking! I have actually taken time off because some things have happened and they were BIG things! I can't even get over it still. I feel like I've just been writing in my head and now I can dump it out here.
About our fighting and such,
About our fighting and such,
Thom apparently told his friend over a few beers about us being back at each others throats again. WHY do guys talk? I never though guys TALKED like that. I swear they are really girls sometimes.
Anyways, He tells Thom that it's because we are not using more of the techniques and that some of them, while they seem what I called barbaric and or dominant, are what actually makes things work. Just try something more he says... (Huge eye roll here!)
More what?
We looked into the site more and Thom read a lot. He read more than I did because I was just not as interested. I only read to get answers that I needed to hear.
We looked into the site more and Thom read a lot. He read more than I did because I was just not as interested. I only read to get answers that I needed to hear.
Then we talked.
This is the most important part (from what his friend says.. over and over... that we have to TALK openly and agree before we move on)
Fine... It was starting to irritate me, but I did want a better relationship and I was feeling frustrated more and more and just in my little rut some of the time.
While reading we were getting some of our questions answered. Important questions, like ALL of the ones I had.
One was WHY would a woman submit to her husband.
Well, after reading a few glowing posts from women in these relationships, I was convinced they were brainwashed. ha ha ha!!
Two was HOW come the man doesn't get punishments for when he does wrong.
I learned that from the man having to step up as HOH (head of the household) and that by making a choice to hold his wife accountable for her actions, then he has to try twice as hard to do things right himself to be an example.
-Ok, this actually made some sense to me. By stepping up, the man makes choices and decides to do the right thing in all aspects, even little ones like remembering things, getting stuff done when he says to himself and meeting his own goals... and keeping on himself could be a very hard thing to do! Ok, so sort of an all the time punishment, because he's accountable first!
Three was WHAT kind of man could do this to their wife? He must be a sicko, pervert, and or have issues...
WHAT am I speaking of, well, discipline and by that I mean spanking their wives!
WHAT am I speaking of, well, discipline and by that I mean spanking their wives!
Did I read that correctly? Spanking, like as in beatings, or what?
It sort of reminded me of the old Ricky and Lucy situations she'd get into. I'm pretty sure Ricky had Lucy over his knee a few times on that show!
It sort of reminded me of the old Ricky and Lucy situations she'd get into. I'm pretty sure Ricky had Lucy over his knee a few times on that show!
So, did I read it correctly? YES I did and let me tell you something,
There is NO way someone was going to do that to me.
or
so I thought.
Like I said, it's been a few weeks. I have not written in here for awhile because things have gotten crazy at home and we hit a huge huge turning point, so this is all kind of rushed in here.
What happened is that, we did read a lot about stuff on the site, we also talked to his friend and I was a little bit more willing to listen, especially since his wife offered to talk to me about it too in private.
We had one or two nights of letting things soak in and we finally agreed that we were going to step things up. We made a few more rules and decided that if there ever was a situation arise that would need attending to, then we'd discuss it at that time. Attending to meaning bringing up discipline.
AND, it happened, but not in the way I thought it was going to happen.
How can this happen in just 4 weeks? I don't know but I have to say I'm still in shock over it.
How can this happen in just 4 weeks? I don't know but I have to say I'm still in shock over it.
I can't even believe I'm writing this all out but I want to remember this exactly as it happened since it's a huge part of what I'm feeling right now.
What happened was that I was spanked. Now that looks funny to even type that out!
But it happened and not in the way I thought nor was it like I thought at all.
I've had so many thoughts since it happened that I'm almost sure I've been brainwashed by it.
But it happened and not in the way I thought nor was it like I thought at all.
I've had so many thoughts since it happened that I'm almost sure I've been brainwashed by it.
I'm going to try to remember how it happened exactly.
I will say that while we thought things over originally, and a week or so had gone by, that I was getting myself deeper and deeper into a rut. Just daily life stuff I guess, but a rut none the less.
I will say that while we thought things over originally, and a week or so had gone by, that I was getting myself deeper and deeper into a rut. Just daily life stuff I guess, but a rut none the less.
My rut was beginning to control my life and I think I just couldn't see it.
I am still having issues breastfeeding our youngest, and (as I mentioned many journals ago) we had recently decided to home school our oldest and it's really been wearing on me!
Couple that with the problems that lead me into the affair (many many journals ago) and trying to re connect with Thom, with all my guilt... and I really just was in a rut that I couldn't dig myself out of.
Couple that with the problems that lead me into the affair (many many journals ago) and trying to re connect with Thom, with all my guilt... and I really just was in a rut that I couldn't dig myself out of.
I know Thom could see my rut, and I was not admitting the rut to myself.
Back to how this happened now! One weekend evening, his mom took the girls and we had some alone time. She usually does this every few months and it's nice except that I have to pump so I get worried about the baby taking a bottle for his mom.
After a little while, we had begun to get nit picky with each other and I was more than likely being typical me. We basically fought most of our free time away.
Thom asked me to come and talk with him. I said OK. I went and sat down next to him.
Back to how this happened now! One weekend evening, his mom took the girls and we had some alone time. She usually does this every few months and it's nice except that I have to pump so I get worried about the baby taking a bottle for his mom.
After a little while, we had begun to get nit picky with each other and I was more than likely being typical me. We basically fought most of our free time away.
Thom asked me to come and talk with him. I said OK. I went and sat down next to him.
He then asked if I trusted him.
I said yes, of course.
He then said that we needed to talk about the rut I was in and that he'd like to use talking and discipline
and or, he felt that we should talk over his feelings and a want he had to discipline me.
and or, he felt that we should talk over his feelings and a want he had to discipline me.
WHAT! I was thinking so many things and he probably knew by the look on my face that I was going to freak out and he said
Just listen, do you trust me, really trust me?
Just listen, do you trust me, really trust me?
I said Yes of course, but I was just going nuts about what he meant about discipline! He said we needed to talk about my mind set and what I couldn't see past.
We talked a bit and I finally agreed that I had been a major pain because of something deep inside me, a deep frustration.
Then he sort of pulled on my arm a bit, he asked me again if I trusted him and he looked right into my eyes. I said I did and before I knew it, I wound up over his lap!
I submitted to my husband.
I submitted to my husband.
All I could think about was was I in some weird dream?
This isn't happening and WHY was I doing it?
My first thought was to just jump up, get out of there! run and don't look back.
This isn't happening and WHY was I doing it?
My first thought was to just jump up, get out of there! run and don't look back.
I know he could feel how rigid I was, and he just said Trust me, one more time and then started to lecture me and he sort of dumped out his feelings about me.
He gave me a few quick swats (over my clothes of course), they were not very painful, but they did hurt a little bit.
He then progressed into going a bit harder and finally a few actually made me cry out a bit.
With that he gave me a few more, just as hard, maybe even harder (It was about 15 swats all together maybe?) and I began to sob.
He stopped right there.
He gave me a few quick swats (over my clothes of course), they were not very painful, but they did hurt a little bit.
He then progressed into going a bit harder and finally a few actually made me cry out a bit.
With that he gave me a few more, just as hard, maybe even harder (It was about 15 swats all together maybe?) and I began to sob.
He stopped right there.
He then scooped me into his arms and held me so tight.
Let it all out he told me.. and I did.
I cried like I hadn't cried in about 2 years.
I cried like I hadn't cried in about 2 years.
Everything came out! Everything. The guilt of the affair, the struggle with counseling, the problems at home, breastfeeding, being up at night, home school schedule...... EVERYTHING...
And, at that moment (well maybe a few moments later) I got it. I really, really GOT it.
The discipline was not really discipline.
It was a release that only Thom could give me. A release form guilt, stress, things harbored deep inside.
For some weird sick reason, it just broke me open and I let it all out, more than anything I ever got out of some of the marriage counseling sessions. I felt like I was made to see something. It was all a lot to take in as well. The sting on my bottom, the fact I had been over his knee ( I think humiliation?) and the broken will of feeling submissive to him all played a huge part in opening my eyes. It was something to think about and something of shock value.
He held me for what seemed like forever and we talked about it.
We agreed that this would only be used in rare cases, for unsticking my rut if I ever got into one again and couldn't get myself out of it.
We talked about how hard it was for him to make the decision to do it and how we can help one another change for the better.
He told me that he really wrestled with hurting me and trying this until I broke.
He said he had huge doubts, but was willing to see if trust and taking these steps could in fact help.
We had most of the night to discuss how we'd take this and use it all in our new life.
We agreed that this would only be used in rare cases, for unsticking my rut if I ever got into one again and couldn't get myself out of it.
We talked about how hard it was for him to make the decision to do it and how we can help one another change for the better.
He told me that he really wrestled with hurting me and trying this until I broke.
He said he had huge doubts, but was willing to see if trust and taking these steps could in fact help.
We had most of the night to discuss how we'd take this and use it all in our new life.
We wouldn't be like those people on the website Jay showed us, who spanked for all kinds of small things. We would actually TRY this lifestyle and make up our own rules, and do it OUR way.
And maybe, just maybe it's going to work for us. I'm still not quite over it yet!
*Now that I re read this, I will say that over time, we did get into more of discipline for smaller things.
It really took time to blossom though. I would say it happened over the course of a year.
It's not really that the things were smaller, it's just these things SEEMED small to us because when we first read them and we didn't get how Taken in Hand / DD worked, also we were not at the point these other people were at just yet in our relationship.
Now we use a system of smaller spankings for those "little things" we used to gasp at reading.
Things such as forgetting something for the 100th time will be given a warning as - "Sunny! that's 5 for you!" - meaning, that he's frustrated with something I've done and I'll be getting 5 quick swats for a reminder.
You wouldn't believe how those work! I have not left a starbucks cup in my car for over 3 months now from all the little reminders I've had.
It really took time to blossom though. I would say it happened over the course of a year.
It's not really that the things were smaller, it's just these things SEEMED small to us because when we first read them and we didn't get how Taken in Hand / DD worked, also we were not at the point these other people were at just yet in our relationship.
Now we use a system of smaller spankings for those "little things" we used to gasp at reading.
Things such as forgetting something for the 100th time will be given a warning as - "Sunny! that's 5 for you!" - meaning, that he's frustrated with something I've done and I'll be getting 5 quick swats for a reminder.
You wouldn't believe how those work! I have not left a starbucks cup in my car for over 3 months now from all the little reminders I've had.
Journal one
I have been writing about our journey for some time now, but more in a journal form on word documents.
I have only recently begun to read blogs on the internet that deal with the subject matter.
I wanted to take my two most important journals and put them into blog form as a way for beginners to come read and learn about a Taken in Hand lifestyle.
I'll call myself Sunny ( my nickname) here. And for the record, I'm just a normal, suburban Mom with 4 kids. We live in the typical neighborhood and have a pretty cookie cutter life. I think that helps some people first coming into this type of thing.
It's not all about freaks or fetishes or other things people call it, although some of it could be and or can be depending on the type of relationship you have with your spouse. (some freaks and fetishes can be great even!)
It also does NOT have to be religious, although we have recently began to put our faith more into the ways we are living our lives.
Since I'm copy and pasting, I'll be posting the journals on the same date. Some are from over 3 years ago. This has been a long journey for us and I feel it's best to start at the beginning so someone could see how this progressed since many people have SO many questions when it comes to Taken in Hand, DD, or CDD.
It's important for me to note that when we started out, we were not calling it anything but a lifestyle change. My husband didn't want to be a typical HOH (head of household) and was worried the lifestyle would make me his cowering flower, with no spunk and sass. THAT is the furthest from the truth I can now say. He has become more confident in his role as I have.
I had some serious doubts in the beginning, but we moved very slowly and things have changed so much. For those of you who can not understand how or WHY anyone would want a relationship like this, I hope the blog can be of some help. I can honestly say that our love for each other has grown 2 fold through this, as well as our household has become almost a well oiled machine (well, we do have SOME kinks left in it, some for good and others not so good) but life is always a work in progress.
I will change the font color for the journal parts.
I have only recently begun to read blogs on the internet that deal with the subject matter.
I wanted to take my two most important journals and put them into blog form as a way for beginners to come read and learn about a Taken in Hand lifestyle.
I'll call myself Sunny ( my nickname) here. And for the record, I'm just a normal, suburban Mom with 4 kids. We live in the typical neighborhood and have a pretty cookie cutter life. I think that helps some people first coming into this type of thing.
It's not all about freaks or fetishes or other things people call it, although some of it could be and or can be depending on the type of relationship you have with your spouse. (some freaks and fetishes can be great even!)
It also does NOT have to be religious, although we have recently began to put our faith more into the ways we are living our lives.
Since I'm copy and pasting, I'll be posting the journals on the same date. Some are from over 3 years ago. This has been a long journey for us and I feel it's best to start at the beginning so someone could see how this progressed since many people have SO many questions when it comes to Taken in Hand, DD, or CDD.
It's important for me to note that when we started out, we were not calling it anything but a lifestyle change. My husband didn't want to be a typical HOH (head of household) and was worried the lifestyle would make me his cowering flower, with no spunk and sass. THAT is the furthest from the truth I can now say. He has become more confident in his role as I have.
I had some serious doubts in the beginning, but we moved very slowly and things have changed so much. For those of you who can not understand how or WHY anyone would want a relationship like this, I hope the blog can be of some help. I can honestly say that our love for each other has grown 2 fold through this, as well as our household has become almost a well oiled machine (well, we do have SOME kinks left in it, some for good and others not so good) but life is always a work in progress.
I will change the font color for the journal parts.
Journal 1
These past few weeks have been interesting to say the least, and I'm glad to journal it because I think I really want to be able to look back on this and see whats become of it.
Thom and I talked about something. Something foreign and awkward and maybe uncomfortable for me.
A few weeks ago... Thom asked me about trying a Taken in Hand relationship. I have only heard a few things about this because Thom has a good friend that's been talking to him about it now for a few weeks. I'm not sure what to think of it. At first I laughed. I said WHO would do this? Then I thought how barbaric and what kind of woman would partake in that? I wondered HOW can a man love his wife, but want to boss over her?
I guess I should explain it since I'm writing to myself. ha!
So a Taken in Hand marriage, or relationship is one where the Husband dominates over the Wife.. but NO wait, that's NOT what it's about says his friend. (This is just sort of what I got out of it when he explained it)
His friend says that we "Truly can not understand the dynamic of the relationship unless we just tried a few things about it." He says "you can make it what you want, you don't have to apply everything it talks about on the site and also the most important thing is you NEVER go into the relationship without TRUST and CONSENT" These two things are the building blocks, and in time, through understanding and lots of working things out, WE could have the beautiful marriage he and his wife share...
Ok, this sounded just strange. Especially when I READ the Taken in Hand website.
Basically, Taken in Hand was about consenting married couples who practice a degree of domestic discipline... Discipline?? REALLY? Like what kind?
The site blew my mind. At first I completely dismissed the idea. FUCK NO! I thought....
But then... his friend tells us it's NOT all about what people on the site write. People take bits and parts of the practices and make it work for them, YOU create your own rules and when first starting out, maybe you only have a few tiny rules and see what happens over a week or two.
So... I was thinking "Yeh, OK whatever you freak!" and I dismissed it.
Well, fast forward to a week later when Thom and I had an argument. We were both pissed at one another and not talking. The not talking grew into a whole weekend of skirting around the issue and bottling up feelings until we burst out into another argument.
This is something that happens around here often. Arguments, not talking, being grumpy and ignoring each other then blowing up and having it out and then its over. A waste of a weekend for sure. Like a stupid circle dance we keep doing.
After this argument Thom thinks we could just TRY a few concepts from the site, and that he loves me and wants us to stop how we treat each other. Some concepts like watching out how we disrespect one another and catching ourselves. Stuff his friend told him I guess.
Ok - I agreed. We can try SOME things but not some of what I saw there.
He agreed and we decided that what we would do is make some ground rules for the house and how we treat each other. We were going to try to be more open and catch ourselves when we talked down to the other person (something I do a lot of to Thom, then he won't speak to me for awhile)
He agreed and we decided that what we would do is make some ground rules for the house and how we treat each other. We were going to try to be more open and catch ourselves when we talked down to the other person (something I do a lot of to Thom, then he won't speak to me for awhile)
We spent a week trying it. It seemed to work well for us. We were friendly and laughing a bit more than we used to and the kids were not even stressing us out as much since we had put them into some of our rules as well.
I am thinking that maybe there is something to this, but most of it right now is just common sense stuff about treating other people nice. I'm still a bit weary of some of the other stuff on the site. There are many many posts about actually disciplining your spouse. The thought of it is really something I can not wrap my head around!
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Most probably, the male urge to spank and the female urge to be spanked are in the genes. It is nature's way of seducing couples to procreate and have a stable environment in which to raise their young. In fighting their respective urges - or worse, denying it exists - men and women are likely to become frustrated and even angry and the internal conflict escalates.
This does not mean that everyone has to run out and try to repopulate the world. However, understood within in the context - when the human reproductive rate had to be perhaps four times what it is now for humans to survive as a species - spanking as both a fertility ritual and nest-building exercise helps us to understand the deep urges. It also helps explain why many women marry the man who finally spanks them.
At some point, every man wonders how the woman in his life would react if he spanked her and every woman wonders how the man would do it if he did. It is a normal, although deep-seated, curiosity.
Consequently, even a first spanking does not have to be an artificially contrived event. Men and women in love often assume their natural roles in non spanking situations.
The bottom line is that couples have discovered spanking on their own. It is not something that has to be - or even should be - an overblown big production. Spanking is not theater. It is a highly personal and sometimes necessary component of a healthy relationship.
If it is important enough to justify a spanking, it is important enough to take the time necessary to accomplish the task. I am a firm believer that first spankings should have decisive outcomes.